Feb 29

Update #8 February 29th 2016: San Francisco!

Hey guys, I just came back from my 3 day trip from San Francisco and I wanted to let you all know about my experience. It’s my 2nd time up in NorCal, and I can definitely say the view of the bay was definitely a beautiful experience. Not only that, but I got to watch a dance competition called Bridge to Norcal and it was insanely awesome. Every single team put their heart and effort into their performances, and I can proudly say my old team, I Never Stand Alone (INSA), did an amazing job and have come so far from where they first began.

When the videos come out, I’ll definitely put up a follow post on that. Thanks again for continuing to frequent my blog, I’m actually working on a new topic at the moment, so hopefully I’ll get that done ASAP!

Feb 12

Update #7: February 12, 2016 – New schedule!

Hey guys, sorry for the no update last week, but it simply boiled down to the fact that I couldn’t find anything worth talking about. I should have posted something last week, but I totally forgot to post an update. Here’s how my new posting structure is going to go. There will be a post every week on Friday, but the posts will merely be updates on what’s soon to come or what idea’s that may come to mind. Please private message me if you have any ideas or topics you want me to discuss, and if I do figure to use it, I will surely mention your name or alias at the bottom of the article. The thought posts will be posted just whenever I get an idea and write something worth posting.

Thanks a bunch for understanding guys. If you want to contact me, please send me an email at


or contact me here at


I check the bottom email more than the top one as it’s my personal email. Hope ya’ll have a fantastic day!

Jan 30

Connecting the Dots: My Childhood’s Epiphany

Fear. If there’s one word that can sum up a majority of my childhood of what I remember, it was living with the constant anxiety that would overtake me whenever I made a mistake. I battered myself with hateful words and thoughts until I had nothing but a shell of myself left. Like a broken record, my life kept looping itself over and over again, repeating the same horrid cycle for every blunder I’ve tripped over or made. Until the very end of high school, I finally realized that the only reason that I do this to myself is because I have hated who I was and where I was in life. I felt like the odd one out and never really felt like I belonged. That’s not to say that I didn’t have friends or I didn’t socialize, but rather, I couldn’t have a serious discussion outside of whatever was popular to talk about when I was in high school. And that’s when it occurred to me. Perhaps this stemmed from something other than myself. I don’t mean to place blame or anything to that extent, but rather, make a connection between myself as a child growing up and how my outside influences could have led me to this kind of behavior.

So I took time out of my day and sat down and just thought about it. What exactly in life caused me to behave in such a way. What made me so hard on myself and why it’s so hard to improve my self esteem. And then, it came to me as an epiphany. While sitting on the porch of my grandmother’s front yard, I had come to a realization that everything that I cherish about my character to everything I loathe about myself comes from both of my parents. It’s obvious, I know, but I hadn’t realized how much watching them growing up affected me. My dad, who is without a doubt obese, has always hated himself. Not only that, but he’s always told me that he’s hated the life he lived and himself. In that moment I told my father,

 “Nobody is perfect. Everyone comes with a mixed bag of good and the not so good.
That you have raised me and you have created memories which I will remember. So it’s okay, dad. Don’t hate yourself.”

Understanding that children often become a manifestation of their parents put together, he didn’t realize that self loathing creates a subconscious idea that would seed itself into my mind. This seed ended up taking root, spreading its legs further and further, cementing itself in a tidy fashion. I don’t blame my father. He had lived a hard life and parenting doesn’t come with a handbook. He’s made a lot of decisions which he regrets, but it’s because he shows that regret, that willingness to change and grow, is what makes me respect him. And then there’s my mother. She’s a wonderful woman, the best mother I could have asked for, but my mom also hated herself and her life. She came home completely drunk one day and while throwing up into the toilet, she was crying. She was crying and telling me that she was sorry for not giving me a house to live in. She was sorry that she was too tired from working all the time to talk to me or play with me. She was sorry she couldn’t give me more attention the earlier days of my life. And I clearly remember how much it tore me up inside. How hard it was to hold back the tears so I could be strong for my mom who was apologizing for things that she never even had to apologize for. And to reassure her I truly was happy with what I had, I put on the biggest smile and simply said, “I’m happy, mom. It doesn’t take much to make me appreciate life.”

And again, while sitting there, coming to terms with the memories and what they’ve made me to who I was today, I also saw that I had taken a mature role earlier in life. But that wasn’t because I instinctively knew how to be mature. It was because of my parents. My father forced me to read literature classics like War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, both by Mark Twain. As a child I had no idea what I was really reading, but having been forced to make summaries of the chapters planted something into me that day, a bud. A bud which slowly grew with more knowledge I had acquired. A bud which flourished and bloomed into the wonderful understanding of the underlying themes and morals that were presented in all of the classic literature I had read. That I was able to see what was right and wrong and to develop a more mature outlook on life.

However, there’s another thing I realized while sitting on that porch. It wasn’t just my parents who influenced who I became, but everyone that I had met. Every single person that I had spoken to, every person I had interacted with has left an impression on me which would change me forever. Whether it be the smallest change or a rather big one, people are what changed each other. That our interactions with one another dictated who we became in life. And so today, it completely dawned on me that perhaps there is a way to create an environment which helps children become loving, respectful, and filled to the brim with self-esteem. That they wouldn’t have to go through the pains that I had to to reach the same level of understanding. And again, another epiphany struck as hard as lightning: The Montessori Philosophy.

The Montessori philosophy is based on the work of Maria Montessori, the first woman doctor in Italy, a teacher, and a philosopher. As she was researching and observing of children coming to age, Montessori discovered that children had minds like a sponge. Every child at birth absorbs the sensory input that surrounds them. Using this data, they store it for later use and beginning at the age of 2, they’d start to begin to organize this data. Thus, leads to the Montessori program which stimulates this experience and creates an environment which the child can explore and learn on their own.

I found a wonderful video that gives a short nutshell version of the Montessori philosophy and what it promotes and, honestly, it’s one of the most heart warming ideas that make me remember that there is so much in this world. That while I may think I have thought of an original idea or a way to deal with an issue, that there was already a way for children to grow up in a safe environment while learning to be so much more. That they didn’t have to deal with the pains of watching their parents fall into a spiraling despair, but rather learn how to grow up in a loving environment which didn’t include any self-hatred. That they didn’t have to read a difficult novel to really understand what it means to be kind to one another or what it means to be a human being.

But at the end of the day, I think children, at their best, should be children. I don’t think making them read the novels I read should be the way to go, but rather with a fun and simpler method. I missed out on a childhood I always wanted, but I’m not one to sit on the past. That’s one of the golden things I took from my father. One of the tools handed down by my father, who I will also pass down to whomever I meet because at the end of the day, we’ve only each other living on this lonely world. Anyways, here’s a small quote I found that speaks highly of Maria Montessori, something I wholeheartedly agree with,

“I love it. I like when I see people who have lived to achieve most of the potentials they have and I found she’s one of them. Education is a not tool where learners are instilled social norms that blow out their individualities,
in which they exist as oppressors or the oppressed.
They are born different and unique. They have different potentials that is waiting to be achieved.
Education should be dedicated to that purpose, in which individuals can be themselves and reach to the best of their potentials. Education for liberation, not for reinforcing the existing tool.
The education method Maria developed targeted at this, I assume.
What’s great underlies simplicity, not complexity.
Great education targets education for an individual not for the mass.”

“There is nothing in the intellect that was not first in the senses” – Peripatetic Axiom, Aristotle

Jan 29

Update #6 – January 29th 2016 – Just Finished!

Hey guys! I know I said I would get a post up by today, but because I just finished the post, without any revising, Ive decided to delay the post till Sunday in the afternoon. That way, Ill be able to post a respectable article for all of you to enjoy! Sorry for the lack of updates or any news, but Ive been busy with work and just life! Im writing this post from my cellphone so, I hope youll excuse the lack of punctuation!

Jan 20

Update #5 – January 20th 2016 – Moving Post date!

Hey guys! Sorry for the constant posting on Friday, but I think because of how my schedule is run, I’m going to be moving the official posts onto Friday starting next Friday. It’s a lot easier for me to post my thoughts when there isn’t something I have to worry about later. Thanks again for your patience, and I’ll make sure to get it up by at least 8:00 P.M. PST. Hope you’re all doing fantastic, though! If anyone does have a way to deal with spammers because my first post is just filled with what I can’t tell is spam and what not, can you let me know how to deal with all of that nonsense? If you can, I will forever be in your debt.

Contact me here at:



Jan 15

Religion’s Manipulation of Hope

Hope. It’s the shining light at the end of a long, dark, and empty road. It’s the belief, the idea of placing your faith in something. It’s the one thing in everyone’s life which fluctuates far more than it ever should. And we’re reminded every day of what society has to offer to everyone, and it’s a muddled outlook. A struggling decision between whether or not you can have faith in your fellow neighbor. The despair of losing faith in a religion that you’ve followed all your life. And today’s topic is just that. The idea of how hope can be played with through manipulation and how hope can be one of the most wondrous things that ever graced the human intellect.

My friend and I spoke to each other about religion and how it’s had an impact in society, in people. My friend argued that religion was and is a way to manipulate people. That powerful men and women created an idea, a belief so great, so awe-inspiring that it instilled the minds of millions to follow the commandments they have lain down. That the idea of rewarding good behavior with entrance to heaven and creating fear through the afterlife, your entire eternity spent in the horrid chasms of hell for committing any sin is heinous because he believes people should be good to one another without benefit and without expecting reward. That religion is a form of manipulation because through fear, people would act with a certain behavior in mind to ensure THEIR entrance to heaven. That people are only being good for their reward in mind. And I can definitely see where he is coming from. If you look at examples today, you can see the abuse that people have done to make religion have such a bad image. Like the monk extremists that slaughtered Muslims simply for having a different belief. The complete hypocrisy that so many commit to manipulate the text for their gain. Or ensuring a suicide bomber 40+ virgins in the afterlife because he killed people for the sake of his god. Yet, in all religion, killing others is the most condemned thing you can do. Evil men strike fear into the innocent and create monsters who are to scared to think for themselves. That they will be forsaken if they don’t follow the will of their god through their so called profit or fake holy men. And because of these very men, my friend sees religion as nothing more as a way for people to be sheeped into complacency and to stay ignorant.

I, on the other hand, view religion in a very different light. I view religion as a way to give a person a new perspective on life which focuses on not the how, but the why. Science is one of the most incredible things we as human beings can be so eternally proud of. With science, we’ve cured millions, prevented disasters, and even brought to life the most alien of ideas. Yet, when many use the argument that science is the reason they don’t have a religion, science only gives you the how. How something works, what makes it tick, and what its functionality it can have. While religion gives you the why. It gives you an understanding and teaches you the morality behind each action and the knowledge of how to live a pious life. To live a life filled with happiness with the understanding that material things aren’t what create a life worth living. To teach humility and to how to have kindness for even the most foul of men. It gives a person a way to live their life in a manner which doesn’t hurt your neighbor and a way to calm your mind from the turmoils of everyday life. That the Bible, the Torah, and any religious Bible equivalent is trying to teach you to be a better you. To be good to one another without expecting a single thing in return. To pay your kindness forward and to make sure your fellow man feels as if he’s a part of your community which naturally forms when a religion attracts many followers. That people can always find a place where they can feel like they belong and are important enough to exist and live a life filled with humility and love.

And there will always be someone that asks, “To have faith means you must believe and to believe you must have faith. In so, if you can not have one without the other, how is one able to comprehend something so alien to come into having faith in any particular religion? Isn’t it just a circle of logic?”

And to that I say, “The reason why so many people aren’t willing to open their minds up to a religion is because they are simply close minded. Now I don’t necessarily mean that in a bad way, but what I mean is that people will not believe something unless they see, hear, touch, or smell it. That they aren’t open to the idea of something possibly being out there. And this brings me to the idea that if you are open minded, you are constantly under going change. You are constantly faced with ideas that challenge your beliefs and may change what you’ve previously believed in. While at the same time, close mindedness breeds comfort. That since you already understand whats around you, a new idea which challenges your idea of comfort, people are more likely to not accept the idea. That they’d rather not be open to possibly understanding why that new idea challenges their old way of life, their old way of thinking. And that’s why I believe people are so afraid to come into a religion and to see it in a good light. Because they’ve only seen what extremists have done and often times neglect to see the many that share their love openly and make sure that living life is one of the greatest pleasures someone can have.

However, I don’t want anyone to be confused. Just because I believe that God is out there, it doesn’t mean you should follow it blindly. Rather, you should always challenge your ideals because there can not be faith without doubt. Otherwise that’d breed credulousness which is the idea of being gullible, eating up anything someone says without a second thought. You should strive to find thought in doubt, but always remind yourself why you have such beliefs. I am Christian because I believe that God created this wonderful place called Earth so we can experience life for all it has to offer. Yet, I am faced with doubt everyday, seeing the slaughter in the news, seeing the hypocrisy in churches and their teachers, the corruption the world tries to hide behind pretty portraits. But it is because of the trials and tribulations that I face everyday can my faith grow stronger, and the hope I have for people will continue to grow as I see how much a community can do for one another, religious or not. To me, religion is a way to discover yourself and to grow as a better person and to have hope for your fellow man.

Hope. Everyday, society endeavors to improve, to create a utopia. Religion has had a major role in the development of every society that has ever existed. It’s created the most prolific men in the world, to the most abhorrent of what humanity has to offer. Every single human being has a hope; an idea that they are willing to hold onto till the day they lay in their death beds. And with that hope, many people put their eggs into the basket which aligns to what benefits them the most, and to that, I say, “What is hope, but not a dream come true?” I have placed my eggs into the basket that has taught me how to love, how to care, and how to be humble. I put my faith in my own God, and I hope, wherever you place your dreams, your aspiration, that you are able to hold onto it with all your might. That perhaps the evils of religion will never be able to wrap their tendrils around you and suffocate you in fear. That perhaps the beauty you find in your communion, your theology will bloom and pollinate it’s love and care to everyone around you.

I just hope you all have the most wonderful life you can ever have and whether you view religion as something dark or as something bright, that your passion for life will never be buried away into a darkened, hopeless tomb.

Jan 13

Update #4 – January 13th 2016 – Another Delay!

Sorry for the late update post, as I was suppose to post this yesterday, but because of time constraints, I will have to post this week’s Wednesday’s weekly post on Friday! I’m sorry again, but I hope you will have the patience with me to stick around! Just to give you guys a sneak peak, the topic will be about my view on society, the idea’s behind it, religion, and even a little bit more! I’m hoping I won’t offend anyone with my thoughts, but I feel if I post my thoughts, people will have the decency to come out, voice their own opinions respectfully and share our little ideas with one another, creating an intellectual debacle!

So again, today’s post will be posted on Friday after I’ve made all the edits I need to make on the article! :]

Happy Wednesday!

Jan 06

“You’re too Nice”


While growing up, you, as a person, tend to take what’s around you and apply it to yourself, whether it be to add to your personality or to be cautious so you don’t make the same mistakes you see others make. As a child, if there’s one thing I didn’t see a lack of, it was cruelty. Now, I don’t necessarily mean that everyone around me was whipping people with chains and flogs, but I did notice that there was a lack of kindness and compassion that we, as people, showed one another. The problem was it wasn’t just kids, who don’t know any better, that were like this, but it was the adults around me who continued to show this kind of behavior. Constantly, I’d remember how someone spoke ill behind another’s back, or even outright cursed another person out just because they had a bad day and decided to take it out on someone else. It’s funny because, the memories that I remember so fondly aren’t the bright and shiny days that I’ve enjoyed as a kid, but rather the dark and gloomy period in which I was exposed to. And so, knowing this, I decided that at the very young age of 5, I would do my best to be as nice as possible to everyone around me so they wouldn’t have to completely enveloped by shade we call hate.

Thus lead me on my adventure of experiencing what we call as, “Being too nice.” As a kid, at least for me, whenever I did something for someone, I’d have expected them to do the same in return. However, the issue with having that belief, is that it’s an unrealistic expectation that usually results in complete and utter failure. There’s one fond impression that still resides in me today and which still reminds me to not have that naive belief. In the fourth grade, the week prior to Christmas, we were assigned secret santas. I had bought my secret santa an extravagant gift, well as extravagant as a 3rd grader could afford, expecting him to the same to me in return. Turns out, he had not brought anything the day of the exchange and the teacher didn’t have a backup gift for those that didn’t bring a gift. So, in the end, he received a gift and I had nothing in return. Now, when I was a kid, this was completely mind boggling. I thought that if I did something nice, that I would have been rewarded for such behavior, as that’s what most children are taught growing up. Little did I know that family circumstances, people’s behaviors and moods, and inconveniences need to be taken into account and understand that not everyone can do the same thing I did. Not everyone has that liberty to afford a gift. So, I toughed it out like a man, held back my tears, and with the heaviest of hearts, simply smiled and said, “It’s okay, the whole point of Christmas is to give, and if I don’t get anything, it’s okay. I don’t give gifts expecting anything in return.”

The reason I bring this story up is because that line is how I live my life today. That at that moment in my life, I knew and understood that making someone else smile was far better than receiving a gift. That materialistic things aren’t what truly make a person happy because it’s all temporary. I knew that at that point, he would at least remember me as the friend that gave for nothing in return. I knew that if I was to live by the idea, the belief that I would be as nice as possible to everyone, that I’d have to build a full plate armored layer all around me so that I wouldn’t be hurt knowing that people can’t do the same in return. That despite everything I do for someone, I needed to understand that many people will not follow the same path that I’ve carved for myself nor even acknowledge what I may have done for them. And that’s the one thing in my life that I can say without hesitation that I know sets me apart from so many others. That I can finally say that I don’t need anything in return when I give someone the one thing that they need on an extremely shitty day: a smile.


So a few days ago, I was working as backup as cashier, going through the same motions; asking how people’s day’s went, getting to know them a little, and making sure that they had a pleasant, albeit short, time while waiting for their purchases to be completed. A woman decided to take my aisle and as I went through my motions, being my old bright and happy self, told me that I was, ‘too nice’. At first, I was taken back. I thought that people would enjoy being around someone that was happy and trying to see how their day went. So I replied, “Well, I don’t really know what to say, ma’am. I mean, do you want me to punch you in the face while scanning your items and yell at you for shopping at this store? I mean, I’d rather be the happiest guy alive than do any of that silly nonsense!” She proceeded to laugh and gave in to my silliness and mentioned to me that she was having a pretty bad day, so it was a surprise to her that someone working at Target would be so friendly and giddy.

So, for today’s post, I wanted to talk about ‘being too nice’. In society, we’re taught at a very young age that the choices we make will have consequence. Whether we’re taught that in an actual lesson or not, it’s something many kids grow up understanding. And one of the things that I took from that lesson was that, depending on how you acted, you’d either be rewarded with something, like friendship, or you’d leave, burning bridges you could have made in the process. And this led me to believe that the lessons that were taught, like being kind to your neighbors and peers, really does have a substantial effect on your livelihood. You grow up happier because you’re surrounded by people who enjoy your kindness and thoughtfulness. You grow up seeing all your friends progress in life, and it makes you happy that you even have them around. Overall, from what I’ve experienced, being a happy person has lead me to having a wonderful understanding of human relations. However, I can see why that woman that I helped in my aisle saw my kindness as a bad thing. Too many times have I seen someone fake kindness and ruin the lives of others. Too many times have we seen that portrayed around us, whether it be in movies, dramas, or novels, growing older, we understand that all acts of generosity aren’t as nice or ‘free’ as we’d like to think. Another reason I can see being too kind as a bad thing is how you’re represented to others initially. I was often times called a pushover because I let people walk over me for fear of being liked, and it’s true. When I was younger, I misunderstood the differences between kindness and trust. I misunderstood the idea that being nice doesn’t mean to let others take advantage of you. But that’s the reality of things when you try to be nice for the first time. Sometimes people will take your kindness for a run to see how much they can get from you before they toss you aside like an outdated operating system. But that’s where life experience can definitely help you see things for the better. When my cousin kneed me in the face for no apparent reason, I ended up crying and getting the attention of my grandmother. Yet, while many others would have told on him, I decided not to. I made a conscious decision not to, not to because I was a pushover, but rather, I understood that at that moment, my cousin would have received a whipping of a lifetime, and it was something I couldn’t live with. So, in making that conscious decision not to tell on him, he showed a far more humbling side that he rarely showed others. Turns out, he had watched a fighting show and wanted to see if it actually hurt and when he did end up making me cry, he felt incredibly bad. And, oddly enough, this is what made him trust me over so many other people in his life. I’ve created a relationship that I would have never made if I had told on him. But, please don’t misunderstand what I’m trying to say. In any other situation, you should never allow yourself to become a push over. More often than not, you won’t create a relationship like I did, but rather create a parasitical one with the person who thinks they can get away with anything as long as you are there to bail them out. Understanding who the person is and how it’ll affect them with your decisions is what’s far more important to take from this story. I knew who my cousin was and how he’d react when I didn’t rat him out. I knew the outcome before it even happened. This specific situation isn’t something that happens often, and while being a push over in some cases may benefit you, you must be able to understand and see that sometimes these cases will never end up like mine.

Another point that I can see being too nice to people, relates to my prelude story of expecting the same in return. I’ve built up a wall around myself, full knowing what I can expect from being too nice. Always do I constantly have to remind myself that just because I am being nice, that other’s will not necessarily do so in return. This creates a sort of expectation that many people often have and expect, only to be disappointed when in return, all they do is speak ill of you for being so kind, or get nothing out of it. Understanding that, many people just don’t have the strength to carry on and would rather just be indifferent or distant from people because there’s no inherent or immediate benefit to being nice. In fact, I would say that being nice to everyone will often times remind you of how backwards our society has become when being rude and arrogant is what many people mistake as honesty and confidence. And, again, leads back to the cycle of not being kind.

And so, ‘being too nice’ is less of a common commodity than you’d think. While society expects us to be polite to one another, it’s so rare to see someone who genuinely cares for your well being, despite barely knowing who you are. That the only reason they need or want to help you out is because you’re simply a human being. That the only reason they want to help you is because they simply want to see you smile and help you get along in life. So, to the lady and many other who tell me that I’m too nice, well, that’s just who I am and who I want to be. At the end of the day, I’d rather be remembered in life as that random stranger, that friend, that family member who was nice and smiled all the damn time than the grump who couldn’t even mutter a happy hello.

Dec 30

Update #3 – December 30th 2015 – No thought post this week!

Sorry guys! Unfortunately I’ve taken a bit too many responsibilities this week and I wasn’t able to read up on a good amount of articles nor educate myself on the next subject I had planned and readied out. It sucks too cause I’ve been pretty excited this week to write about it, but I don’t want to post a half-assed article with a bunch of mistakes, without any editing. Sorry for the late update, but I had hoped to finish it last night, but after reading over it again this morning, it’s not half as good as what I expected. Hope ya’ll have a fantastic week, and I’m sorry again for the missed thought post!

Leave a message or anything you’d like about the website so I can get some feedback on it! Here’s my temporary website email until I get an actual website email! Super excited about that, LOL!

Email : heitrusan@hotmail.com

Dec 23

Update #2: Post dates and Updates – December 23 2015

Hey guys! Quick update! The days in which my weekly posts will be on Wednesdays for now while my updates will come and go whenever I need them. The weekly Wednesday posts will be the thought provoking, or stupid, depending on how you view it, topics on life while trying to be as professional as possible, while the updates will include almost everything else with my silly and ridiculous self. If you guys have any questions or even want to post, never hesitate! I want to know what you guys think about these subjects and how much different of an opinion or ideals I have compared to everyone else! It’ll definitely spark some interesting conversation. If there’s one thing I ask though, it’s that you keep it civil and at worst, agree to disagree. There’s no need for angry nonsense because, let’s face it, it’s not going to change the opinion of who you’re arguing with and it’ll just leave you with a shitty day. So let’s dodge that and be as polite to one another, ya? But if trolling’s your thing, I guess I can’t stop you, LOL.

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